There are so many issues that Marcus faces on a daily basis. I’m not even talking about his vision, low muscle tone, and developmental delay. There are just some things that make daily living hard for the little guy, and consequently, for us as well. For the most part, he is a very happy, content, and joyful boy. But there is 10% to 25% of the day that is very challenging, to say the least. I will spare you the details and just say that impatience, frustration, sensory processing difficulty, and sleep issues all come into play. The most heartbreaking part is that he tries to cope with these the best he can, but it results in bruises, scratches on his head, and perpetually open sores on his knuckles.
All his therapists have different hypotheses on why he has these issues. They also have some ideas on how to help him, but there are no fixed answers. Some parents of typical boys have told me of their own struggles with their children as well. So we know it’s a mixed bag of sensory & developmental difficulties, as well as the plain fact that Marcus is a son of Adam.
As his parents, we feel completely helpless. It’s humbling to think that I am his mom, and yet I can’t figure him out and I can’t help him at his most desperate times. But God says that even in this, our boy is “fearfully and wonderfully made”. All the issues I try so desperately to seek answers to, all the google searches, all the questions I’ve asked to other parents have seemed to fall short. My comfort is that his Creator knows Marcus inside and out, and for some reason, He has created Marcus with these challenges in love and for good.
I found myself holding my boy, crying out to the Lord in full-tear mode this week. Since I can’t figure him out and I for sure can’t “fix” him, it’s only right for me to beseech the only One who can. And until the answers appear (if they ever do), my heart is forced to rest in His love.
Romans 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?